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Ozydaxus is a Nodish hero, known for his great journey and subsequent return to his love Xiathenia.

[This is a Hog-Wild Page. Please add anything you want to it, no matter how ridiculous!]

Ozydaxus was born in a Nodish log cabin that he built with his bare hands.

Accomplishments Edit

During his great journey, Ozydaxus accomplished a great number of feats while traveling, most of which are featured in the epic Nodish Poem The Journey.

  • Shuffled a deck of playing cards into every possible unique arrangement
  • Invented the no-look, backflip, 360, throwing axe technique
  • Secretly headmastered at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
  • Slew the great Lion of the North.
  • Whilst barefoot, stepped on a D4 and only cried a little bit.
  • Sorted a Deck of Many Things with no ill effects.
  • Bested four giants in single combat.
  • Recovered the Golden Hammer
  • Has a really on point quiche recipe
  • Fought Bird-men of the east
  • Survived, for five minutes, in the Arrow Dimension.
  • Moved an immovable rod, twice!
  • Ate lutefisk without crying.
  • Helped write the ballad of Johnny B Goode—in a different plane of existence, in a different time with a man known as McFly.
  • Has jumped from on side of the strip to the other.. the long way.
  • It is a common misconception that Ozydaxus was turned to stone. in fact he discovered a non dimensional plane existing between reality and fiction (aka the fourth wall). This done he found his way into our world and is now known as Stephan Wardle.
  • Killed sixty orcs with the jawbone of a camel.
  • Made Azmodeus apologize for meta-gaming.
  • Slew the dread beast of Caerbannog with his bare hands.
  • Built Castle Anthrax.
  • Once carved a statue that was an exact likeness to him, it has since been broken.
  • Out-riddled then subsequently cooked and ate the first Fair-day Goose.
  • Ate the Old 96'er and still had dessert.
  • Has procured numerous procurers.
  • Defeated master groove-o-mancer Flavius Funkifer in a dance off.
  • Returned to the Arrow Dimension years later and built a holiday home.
  • Transmuted Transmadavos Materia using only Vitivitas Substrates! (Go home, Vel) (Okay.)
  • It's said the first documented case of Wish was Ozydaxus talking in his sleep.
  • Invented the McRib.
  • Stripumnavigated the entirety of Möbius... on foot.
  • Wrote a series of successful culinary cooking guides. The most popular of them,"The Most Glorious Omelette", is believed to have been written while Ozydaxus was held captive in a dragon cave.
  • Whilst on his travels, Ozydaxus found himself momentarily distraught at being without his love, Xiathenia. Sitting on a mountain side with his lute, he began to sing a song so sad and moving that all the sheep in the area suffered spontaneous alopecia. The region is now famous for its breed of hairless sheep.
  • Invented Karaoke .
  • Is a highly talented nudist. The grand master, Jimmyflop Floppendonger, of the Ceraxis Nudist Fellowship commented that "Ozydaxus' skills are unprecedented." and "I have no idea what I am watching, But I like it! I should probably lie down after this".
  • Was crowned King of the The Festival of the Moonberries in 7 consecutive years. On the 8th year, he gave his throne to a young boy, who later became a real king by conquering foreign lands.
  • Founder of a secret style of martial arts that places extensive emphases on attacks made with the pinky toe, titled Tae Kwon Toe. The only standing dojo that teaches this ancient and secretive style of combat resides deep beneath the legendary Mt. Foot-ji.
  • Once entered a different plane and defeated many warriors named "The Mountain" "The hound" "Jon Snow" "Jamie Lannister" and "Brienne" He then made love to a women name Daenerys which afterwords he got up and left in the middle of the night without even saying goodbye.
  • Ozydaxus's name is carved into the foundation of the fuzzy bunny inn's wall of winners, after he defeated King Bunny and all the patrons in the bar at the same time using only his left hand.
  • Ozydaxus and the Lost Oasis Tower - On a bet, Ozydaxus decided to cross the deserts of Nod by foot with no provisions. On the sixth day, his mouth parched and skin blistered by the sun, he started to feel death's embrace upon him. As his knees buckled and he fell onto the scorching sand, the earth below him started to rumble. The earthquake grew more violent by the second as Ozydaxus noticed the dunes around him begin to swirl rapidly. Without warning, a gigantic tower shot up from underneath the sands. It was 20, no, 40 stories tall, with a gigantic gate. Without any other options, Ozydaxus crawled to the gate and knocked. The gate slowly opened and a cool breeze emanated from within. Crawling inside, Ozydaxus found the most opulent and lavish room he had ever seen. Jewels encrusted the walls, gold tiled the floors, murals that were beautiful beyond description were on display. In the center of the room was an equally glorious fountain of water. Nearly tripping over himself, Ozydaxus ran to the fountain and plunged his head in, drinking deeply. "Welcome, lost traveler." A booming voice echoed within the chamber. Ozydaxus looked up from the water trying to locate the origin of the voice, but was unable to do so. "I saw your suffering and chose to aid you. But in return for my generosity, I would ask a favor..." Ozydaxus took another handful of water, drank it, and stood up. He then promptly turned and left the tower, because he had a bet to keep - and he didn't intend to lose it.
  • Ozydaxus and the Great Flood of Nod
After a long and successful crusade, to finally rid the Nodish people of the blight, that was the raging Orcish hordes of the Blood Mountains; who for decades had pillaged and raided the trade routes and lands surrounding Nod.  Ozydaxus triumphantly returned to the city with his company of soldiers, to reap the rewards of their bloody campaign.
After a grand procession and a brief meeting with the Liege of Nod, a day of feasting and celebration was declared. Despite the city wide festivities, Ozydaxus found himself gambling in a back alley tavern, revered for its Bullywog dancers and ales.  Over a rather rowdy game of ‘Wizards Whist’, he boasted he had been blessed by the very Gods themselves, with the digestive capacity of the Tarrasque and the bowels of a Bonnacon.  He claimed this allowed him to once eat a whole bear in one sitting, whilst out hunting one fine summer’s eve.  A local black market trader, known as ‘Evil Steve’, who had a little more ale than wits that evening, proposed a wager.  Ozydaxus was to eat a king’s banquet to himself, before the bells rang in the new day and the stakes would be 10,000 purplariums.  Ozydaxus not one to shy away from a challenge eagerly accepted, and ordered a turducken in order to prepare for the impending meal. Within a couple of hours a great feast was prepared and contained in part:
A whole roast wild boar, a flank of bear, ram and venison, 5 fair-day geese, 7 large assorted deep fried fish, a plate of bread crumbed lizards, a bowl oysters and baby squid, a date stuffed python, an assortment of breads, rice, vegetables, a whole watermelon...
Just before sunset, Ozydaxus made a rousing speech commending his legion and those who gave themselves to freedom, and dedicated this next heroic challenge to them.  He then sat down and started the gargantuan meal.  Minutes before midnight, some three hours later, Ozydaxus was licking the last plate clean like a starving street urchin.
To the crowds delight, Ozydaxus collected his winnings and proceeded to drink for a further 36 hours to celebrate his victory both on the field and in culinary combat.  Which, unsurprisingly was immediately followed by 4 days and nights of deep slumber, the likes of which could only be achieve after decades of practice with the mediating monks of Modreng.
Upon waking, Ozydaxus proceeded with his morning ritual.  Grabbing a tome detailing the rules of a game set in a fictional world where could perform mundane tasks for entertainment, he retired to his outhouse.  Soon thereafter,he proceeded to block the Grand Nod sewer line in one swift bowel movement.  The sewers had handled a down pour of epic proportion during the 100 day storm, caused by a failed magical experiment into renewable energy; and yet the mighty Ozydaxus was once again victorious, this time against the architects and engineers of Nod.  Within hours the city was slowly filling with raw fetid sewage, yet not one citizen complained, some even remarked 'it was a small price to pay to be free of the Orcs'.
And this is where the saying 'better to swim in shit, than blood' was first heard.
Shortly thereafter Ozydaxus was given the keys to the city in a rather damp and smelly ceremony, and granted the honorary title of ‘The Slayer of Sewers’.

See Also Edit